Si ud. logra entender un chiste (JOKE), su conocimiento del idioma será notorio.
En las siguientes lineas, seleccionamos una serie de JOKES que le ayudarán a mejorar su comprensión del Inglés.
1.- SPEAKING AND LANGUAGE JOKES
a) An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots.
Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, "Mira el mosca!" The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, "No, señor, 'la mosca'... es femenina."
The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, "Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight".
b) Two children are talking.
A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says.
2.- GRAMMAR JOKES
a) After an English exam
A: How was the exam?
B: It was easy, but question 5 confused me.
A: What was the question?
B: Question 5 wanted the past tense of "THINK".
I thought and I thought and I thought, and ended up with writing "THINKED".
b) In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Student: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
c) The teacher says: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
The student says: Obviously it's the past tense.
d) Why did the boy eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
3.- PUNCTUATION JOKES
a) An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
b) A sign :
Stop using exclamation marks!!!
4.- SPELLING JOKES
a) Teacher to a student
Teacher : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Glenn : K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
Teacher : No, that's wrong.
Glenn : Maybe it is wrong. But you asked me, how I spell it.
b) Teacher to a student
Teacher : Donals, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald : H I J K L M N O
Teacher : What are you talking about?
Donald : Yesterday you said, it's H to O.
c) English might be the
most widespread language in the world but there’s still no ham in hamburger, no
egg in eggplant and neither pine nor apple in pineapple.
d) Q: What word of only three syllables
contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)
5.- PRONUNCIATION JOKES
a) Why is the number six
so scared? Because
seven eight nine!
b) A phone call
A: Hello, are you there?
B: Yes. Who are you, please?
A: I'm Watt.
B: What's your name?
A: Watt's my name.
B: Yes, what's your name?
A: My name is John Watt.
B: John what?
A: Yes, are you Jones?
B: No, I'm Knott.
A: Will you tell me your name then?
B: Will Knott.
A: Why not?
B: My name is Knott.
A: Not what?
B: Not Watt, Knott
A: What?
.............................
c) Two friends texting
A: I just heard that the actress from "Legally Blonde", Reese "whatever her last name is", got stabbed to death, walking to her car last night.
B: Whitherspoon?
A: No, with a knife !
6.- MORE JOKES
a) A girl to a man.
A: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
B: I think you are pretty ugly.
b) A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friend says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guy says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them."
c) A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
d) A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
e) Some silly questions
1.- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns, because they taste funny?
2.- Does killing time damage eternity?
3.- Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
4.- If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
Esperamos que lo hayáis logrado.
Para finalizar, os dejamos con un extracto de una divertida serie británica (muy antigua) llamada "Mind Your Language".
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